Uncle's Rant

Friday, August 11, 2006

The Daily Rag

Now I'm not a fan of newspapers, even though today I'm featured in a full-page article about blogging with fellow blogger Tim Clague in our local newspaper, the Bournemouth Daily Echo.

I think local newspapers are great, how else does a small community get it's local news? I don't like the tabloids for obvious reasons (see picture!), and I don't like the broadsheets because, well they're just too... broad.

So I like a local newspaper but I rarely buy one. Why? Well there's one thing I hate about all newspapers, in fact it's something that makes me feel physically ill. You see I just can't stand the smell of them. I'm not talking about the ethereal stench of a tabloid, I'm talking about the general smell of every single newspaper in the whole wide world. I can't stand it!

I can't even tie it down to one thing either.

Is it the ink? I don't think so, I have ink around me in various forms all the time and that doesn't bother me.

Is it the cheap, sometimes recycled paper? No, the more recycled paper the better!

So what is it then? I think it must be a combination of the two, what else can it be?

Why can't a newspaper smell nice for a change? Maybe if they sprayed it with a bit of Gaultier (the perfume not the man himself spraying the papers like a cat marking its territory), as it leaves the production line. Or if somewhere in the recycling process they included rose petals in the press, that could help too.

Of course today I bought 5, 'cause I'm in it and the family insist on all having a copy. I still don't like the way it smells though.

Let me know if newspapers get up your nose too.

I just can't stand it, to me it all smells of yesterday's... er... news.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

The Spam Tin: The last spam

We've come to the final day of the Spam Tin experiment and we end with a jape from little Frederic Haynes. Spam usually takes itself so seriously but in this instance I really had to take my hat off to Fred for sending me my first laugh-out-loud "clown spam"(tm).

It reads:

Ha. Ha.

Nice try Fred but I'm afraid it all smells of yesterdays coke.

Monday, July 31, 2006

The Spam Tin Day 7: Mince pie, sky high!

Today little Gerhard Carroll has kindly sent me an eye test!

Thanks Gerhard I needed that test, although I'm not sure that I passed as all I could make out in the bleary haze was something about "yesterday's shit"????

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