The Spam Tin Day 3: Apologies but here it is

Today's spam comes from little Benito.

Dear Benito, before you begin I'd just like to say that your subject line "Apologies but here it is" is a little backwards in coming forward. Don't apologize for something I haven't even read yet, you could put off many potential clients by dropping the seed of doubt into their minds that what you've sent out is actually a pile of old shit before you've even begun.

Moving past the subject line he writes:

• Take delivery of a substantial cut on your pills safe characters, prime quality.

I hear "safe characters" are all the rage, do you have any in bondite blue?

• whopping range, including backbreaking to find drugs 0 prior doctors approval indispensable.

I'm not sure about breaking any backs to fill my cracks. Are these drugs particularly heavy? Or maybe you sell in such large quantities that everytime you ship a load out of your Columbian sweatshop you snap a few vertebrae getting them onto the fleece-wagons.

• Here I am, on a cannibal island, hundreds of miles from civilization, with no way to get back, he reflected Now it's blue, complained the horse

Oh Benito, you were doing so well. So well in fact you almost had me sold. Then like everybody else you went off tangent with a silly non sequitur. This horse, is he a bondite blue?

These cannibals do they smell of the shit they excreted yesterday, much like your mail?